Children + Mothers + Mother's Day

The whole world just celebrated Mother's Day - on lockdown. Strange but this was probably the most meaningful Mother's Day for almost every mom. This current world crisis has triggered something in us. Some sort of realization. But that's for another post. For this one, we'll just talk about what it felt like or meant for people in different situations. What I write is based mostly on my experiences and personal opinions. Some posts may contain experiences of people I know, and these experiences are shared with their permission.

Usually every year, as the celebration of Mother's Day approaches, children will be reminded of their moms through ads flooding all media platforms. Companies and businesses take this opportunity to sell their products and services. Gifts are being bought, reservations are being made, holidays are being planned. That's the general view of the whole world, from the outside. But what if we took a microscope and zoomed in at everyone? Is it the same for every mother and/or child? We of course know the answer is 'no'. But how big is that 'no'?

Let's look at children whose moms have passed on....

For those who have had beautiful relationships with their moms, it's a bitter sweet day. They sit and allow themselves to have flashbacks. They smile at all the happy memories they shared but hurt at the realization that this special person is no longer around. They dig up, gaze upon and share old photos of their happy memories together; they shed a tear or two in between smiles; they speak to their moms through their hearts and they miss them terribly. End of the day, they take comfort in knowing that their mothers are in a better place, and although far, they remain near, in their hearts...

Then there are those who breeze through this day like any other day. They know it's Mother's Day, they think of their moms but each time the thought comes up they just push it out of they way and continue on. They silently ache inside, but they hide it well. They can't wait for this day, a day where the whole world reminds them of their mom, to be over. These are the ones who did not have good relationships with their mothers. Why? For many reasons we can only assume. We tend to judge them. "What a horrible child." "Pray I do not have a child like you." "Ungrateful." You've heard these. You could be one of those on the receiving end. Or even one of those who are probably guilty of passing these comments some time. Maybe you've had such a good relationship with your mother and you love her with all your heart that you cannot see any way possible a child can or should feel otherwise towards their mother but truth is you don't know. You'll never know. You will never know the extend of pain someone has gone through especially psychological pain. So it's best to not judge. Especially when it comes to sensitive situations like this. Xx

There are also those who had great moms, moms who tried their best to give them the world, who raised them to be independent and successful, who always prayed they keep safe and who still worried about them even though they are all grown up, living a good life, some married while others are eligible bachelors/bachelorettes of the century but never had the time to celebrate their mom on that one special day the world allocated to honour mothers like her. The ones here probably either joined the ones who celebrated with bitter sweet feelings, but with an additional hint of regret, or they just rushed through that day, chasing more success like they did on this day every other year, with no time to stop to cherish the good memories.

What about children whose mothers are still around? It could have been about the same situation for them as for those whose moms have passed on. The happy ones probably shopped (online) or they made plans for the near future when the world has healed from the corona virus outbreak to either take their moms out for a good dinner or on a nice holiday, while the ones who didn't have a happy home probably avoided the day. But what about those who were always busy and never had the time to celebrate their mothers. I hope all the extra time this world crisis gave you this year did made a difference in how you spent your Mother's Day. I hope you had the time to sit and have tea with her, or if you live away from her, found the time to pick up the phone and speak to her. Hearing your voice probably made her day. But if you did not do that, it's not too late. You don't only have that one day in a year to celebrate her. You have everyday, for as long as she's still alive...

Now, let's look at Mother's Day from a mother's point of view. I know if I took a closer look at this and analyse different situations, different opinions, I would have loads to write about, so I'll just share what Mother's Day means to me, as a mother.

I celebrate Mother's Day by celebrating my child and my journey towards motherhood with her. My beautiful child... I am a mother firstly because of her but most importantly I am a mother because of the obstacles, fear, doubt and emotional turmoil I overcame to become her mother, and I did that because of the strength she gave me, the love she showed me and the way she, from a very young age, responded to me. I am the mother I am because she is my daughter. So every year I celebrate Mother's Day by celebrating her, my little girl (who I am sure is a very old soul), who is also my greatest teacher.

She made me realize that I don't have to be the reflection of my experiences, that I can be who or what or how I want to be. It doesn't matter if I did not have a good childhood or if I grew up not knowing how it felt like to be loved, but what matters is am I going to let this precious little girl grow up the same way? I had the power to choose. What will I choose? How do I use those experiences which I'm sure were life's lessons to me - do I use them as an excuse to be weak and drown in my past and pull others down with me and make their lives as miserable as mine was growing up or do I use them to empower me, to make me a stronger, better person? I am being given a chance here to experience a beautiful mother-daughter bond, something I did not experience as a child. It doesn't matter too that I am no longer that child but the mother. I am given the chance to make a difference. So do I give her the love and kindness I yearned for as a child which she truly deserves or do I put her through the same exact pain I went through? She is too precious. She means more to me that all that past pain and anger so I chose to turn my life around.

It was not easy. But she gave me strength. Her patience, her big heart, her endless hugs and contagious smiles was more than enough to keep me going. Today I am so proud to say that our bond is so precious. It is so different than what I had as a child and it is amazing. It is what she deserves. It is what ALL kids deserve. To me being a mother is not just about giving birth to a child or adopting one. Being a mother is having the courage to be different, the willingness to let go of the sense of 'identity' you held on to from as long as you can remember, the wisdom to know that you are not losing yourself letting go of that 'identity' but instead stepping into a better, more fulfilling version of yourself - a version that is so powerful that it will go on to shape other little humans' lives and most of all, being a mother is having the heart to love unconditionally.

So this journey is what Mother's Day truly means to me. It is not about me or my sacrifices but my growth, the love and joy that I gained from it all and the little person who made this happen - my precious little girl. Xx

#ponderwithhouseofruah #houseofruahblog #houseofruah #blog #mothersdayarticle